30 Questions to Ask a Potential Co-Parent
These questions help make expectations specific. Discuss differences without treating a response as a diagnosis or a verdict about suitability. You can decline to share private information and agree on a safer way to address relevant concerns with professionals.
Download a free sample (PDF) — 30 questions from this free guide, with space for notes.
Spread these across several conversations. Record each person’s perspective, unresolved questions, and what you want to discuss with qualified professionals. Keep sensitive notes private.
Money and budgeting
- What financial information is relevant to our planning, and how can we discuss income, debt, obligations, and privacy?
- How should we split conception and medical costs, and what's your ceiling before we stop and reassess?
- How do we divide ongoing costs: proportional to income, or 50/50 regardless?
- What happens financially if one of us loses a job or becomes unable to work?
- Private school, braces, therapy, college: how do we decide on big discretionary costs neither of us must agree to?
- Would you agree to formal child support calculations even if we never go to court?
Parenting time
- Describe your ideal week with our child at age 2. At age 10. Be specific.
- Where will the child live in year one: one home base or true splitting?
- Holidays, birthdays, and your extended family's expectations: what does December look like?
- What happens to the schedule when one of us starts a serious romantic relationship?
- How much say does a future partner of yours get in raising our child?
- If your career offered you a big opportunity in another city, what happens?
Values
- What role does religion, or its deliberate absence, play in this child's upbringing?
- Public, private, homeschool? And who gets the deciding vote if we split?
- How were you disciplined as a child, and what will you keep or reject from that?
- How would we discuss a child’s medical care and seek guidance from qualified clinicians when we disagree?
- What do you believe about screens, phones, and social media by age?
- What's one thing your parents did that you're determined never to repeat?
Logistics and disclosure
- What health information is relevant to our planning, and how can we discuss consent, privacy, and appropriate clinical guidance?
- Would we consider mutual background checks, and how would we agree on consent, scope, privacy, and how to interpret the information?
- Who in your life knows you're pursuing this, and how has your family reacted?
- What practical help or backup care could we rely on, and what has actually been discussed with those people or services?
- Any past relationships, custody arrangements, or legal matters that could touch this arrangement?
- What's your realistic timeline, and what's driving it?
Conflict and commitment
- Tell me about the last serious conflict you had with someone you couldn't walk away from. How did it end?
- When you're angry with someone, what do you do: pursue, withdraw, explode, go quiet?
- How would we seek help with a disagreement, and what process should we discuss with a counselor or attorney?
- What would have to happen for you to want out of this arrangement, and what do you think you'd owe then?
- If one of us dies or becomes unable to care for a child, what wishes and legal questions should we discuss with counsel?
- Why me? What made you choose to have this conversation with me specifically?
Record what you hear
The paid toolkit contains a separate 200-question workbook, interview questions, a discussion checklist, and space to record preparation notes. Preview the actual pages before deciding.
Turn answers into a useful next step
Hypothetical example: both people choose “shared costs,” but one means an equal split and the other means proportional to income. Write both answers, the items covered, and what needs clarification. Ask counsel how intended arrangements relate to legal obligations.
For each topic, record: each person’s answer, what is agreed, what remains open, and who could help. The free guide and PDF contain these 30 prompts; the paid toolkit is a separate 200-question workbook.
Free seven-day preparation course
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Related: How to find a co-parent · Legal red flags · Agreements explained
Frequently asked questions
What questions should you ask a potential co-parent?
Cover five areas: money and budgeting, parenting time, values, logistics and disclosure, and conflict and commitment. This guide lists 30 specific questions across those areas.
Should co-parents write down their answers?
Yes. Record both people's answers and mark differences and unknowns instead of assuming agreement. The free printable PDF has space for notes.
Is a list of agreed answers a legal co-parenting agreement?
No. Your answers are preparation for a conversation with counsel. Parentage, parenting time and financial obligations depend on the law where you live, so ask a lawyer licensed in your state which documents you need.